My mother passed away over four years ago and I still miss her to this day. Mom was in her own words a “tough broad”. She enjoyed life and raised three pretty good boys. I was the youngest of the three brothers and I learned a lot of lessons from my mom. I think the hope of every child is that the lessons they learned from their parents will make them better parents if they ever are lucky enough to be a father or mother.
Many of the lessons I learned from mom were of the positive variety. She was always quick to point out that people who have been on this planet longer than you should be afforded a level of respect. With this in mind I am always the first to hold a door for an elderly person or to lend a hand should I see the need. Thanks mom.
Mom also made it clear that men should treat women differently they would treat men. It isn’t that women aren’t capable it’s just that chivalry was a real concept to my mom. Opening doors for women was a staple in my household. I still remember a time when as a young teenager I was met with a good swift slap in the back of the head from my mom when I dared to open a door and walk through it without holding it for her. That never happened again and I still hold doors for all women to this day. Thanks mom.
I also became very aware that my mom was far more street smart than me or my brothers gave her credit for as we navigated adolescence. Mom gave us just enough rope. Sometimes we did not test the limits of that rope and sometimes we figuratively hung ourselves with the leeway we were granted. Helicoptering was not a parenting style with which we were familiar – sink or swim was more the style adopted by mom. I did appreciate that because boy, did me and my brothers have fun growing up under those rules. We were free range kids long before some pointy-headed academic coined that term. Thanks mom.
One other thing I learned from my mom was that sugar coating moments in life will not really be a benefit. Don’t get me wrong, my mom was my biggest cheerleader. However, if I needed a reality check she would give me one. I played a lot of sports growing up and I heard the positive from mom when it was deserved. However, if I played poorly or blamed others for my shortcomings she was not going to let me off the hook. Pointing fingers when I should be looking in the mirror was not something that went over to well with mom. Thanks mom.
Mom also taught me the importance of having your family’s back, no matter what. As the saying goes “you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your family”. There was one incident when a 16 year-old version of myself did something that i should not have done and would have faced pretty dire legal consequences (no, I did not murder or assault anyone. No people were harmed in this story) had I been discovered. Let’s just leave it at mom covered my ass and I avoided the formal punishment that would have been a certainty. Thanks mom.
I say “formal punishment” because I still did face other consequences for my actions. You see, my mom was very old school when it came to raising kids – spare the rod and spoil the child and all that tough love parenting stuff.
Mom grew up in a household in Saskatchewan with 13 children (there would have been 15 but two of my mom’s siblings apparently died in some type of fire when they were very young) in an environment which, to put it mildly, did not include the creature comforts we enjoy today. There was no electricity nor running water in depression era Saskatchewan. Life was hard on the Baraniski clan and that experience made my mom tough as nails.
So back to my mom and her tough love approach. Me and my brothers were subjected to some fairly harsh punishment. When I say punishment, I don’t mean the kind like where parents of today take away your cell phone privileges or send you to bed without dessert. No, I mean the good old corporal punishment that most kids today probably have never experienced.
Does this mean that my mom beat us as kids? Should you wish to characterize it that way then I am OK with that framing of how we were punished. My mom had a temper and we knew not to push her to the point where it made an appearance.
Another lesson my mom taught me which still sticks with me is “don’t speak ill of the dead”. I do not bear any physical or emotional scars from any of the physical punishment handed out by mom. Notice, how I never used the word “abuse”. I can’t speak for my brothers, but I never viewed it as abuse. She was doing what she thought was best to help mold us into better people. I think she did OK. I would say I forgive her but I don’t think my forgiveness is necessary. My mom loved us unconditionally. It may not have been the idyllic upbringing but without my mom I would not have learned all the lessons I learned. Thanks mom.
Happy Mother’s Day. Love you mom – miss you every day.
One Dad With a Blog
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